I was planting the vegetable garden today at my parents (away for a few weeks) house on the beautiful sunny holiday Monday. I finished planting and was relaxing on the deck when I heard a lot of chatter from below. I figured skunks since I had been catching whiffs throughout the morning as I worked outside. So I looked through the deck boards and sure enough - skunk. Hmmm.
I stretched a tarp across the corner of the deck to provide cover from peering eyes of neighbors who of course are all out enjoying the day. The last thing I need is for someone to see me shoot a skunk with my .22 bolt action rifle. This is a city after all.
Pop! First shot through the boards at the white stripe only three inches below the deck boards. I got him. Pop! Another shell just to make sure. Stinky no move. Down comes the tarp to remove any suspicion as to what the fuck I'm doing behind it. The pops where quiet enough with typical suburban noise to drown them out.
So next I start removing the deck screws which I myself had put into the board a couple years back while building the deck.. I pull out 8 screws allowing me to bend the board upward enough to access the dead smelly animal. It had not discharged but skunks just stink period!
Now two neighbors suddenly appeared walking around their sheds on their sides of the six foot wooden fence about 20 feet from where I am. One guy is on the roof of his shed walking around the edge looking down. I said "what are you looking for?" "Skunk!! It fucking stinks man!" he says. I played naive compatriot. I said "Yeah I smell it too. I'll look around our yard". Meanwhile a dead skunk lay bleeding a mere two feet from where I am standing.
I put on a thick leather glove; the last thing I wanted was to be bitten by a skunk who may not be completely dead. I then inserted gloved hand into a plastic bag and reached in to pull out Mrs. Stinky. Clearly a female and possibly pregnant. Hmmm I wonder if the male is around somewhere. After all there was quite a racket coming from under the deck not too long ago. Oh well. I got Stinkerella out and into two thick garbage bags. Then I heard the other skunk, possibly the male. Large. I go back for the tarp to repeat the process. But the shifty bastard did not reappear again. And so I wait for him to reappear. One beer and a cigar later and still nothing. Perhaps he has fled.
I put on a thick leather glove; the last thing I wanted was to be bitten by a skunk who may not be completely dead. I then inserted gloved hand into a plastic bag and reached in to pull out Mrs. Stinky. Clearly a female and possibly pregnant. Hmmm I wonder if the male is around somewhere. After all there was quite a racket coming from under the deck not too long ago. Oh well. I got Stinkerella out and into two thick garbage bags. Then I heard the other skunk, possibly the male. Large. I go back for the tarp to repeat the process. But the shifty bastard did not reappear again. And so I wait for him to reappear. One beer and a cigar later and still nothing. Perhaps he has fled. 
I put the skunk bag into the trunk of the car and drove to a wooded area a few klms from the house. I tossed the animal out and snapped a picture.
Now the car smells and the odor is haunting me. Still no sign of #2. We shall see. And so I wait.
2 comments:
dude,
that story pretty much makes deliverance look like a nursery rhyme. good luck with, as you so eloquently put it, "mr. skunk"
As someone who has had 2 major run-ins with skunks, one of which cost me about $500 in insulation and flooring, not to mention putting my renovations back almost a year.... I applaud your actions and will recommend you for a hero citation from the city!
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